Saturday, May 5, 2007

Swans @ Lough




Off to see my friend with broken arm - to talk and get some break from study. We will go to the riding centre together; she will take photos and I will be riding.
***
My apartment - cleaned. Shopping - not done :-( Mood - let's say okay for now. Study books - waiting for me to come back. Ironic - only my books "wait" for me in my flat. I know it is a commonplace but it is really so tough to be single and to live alone. It seems to me today that it is a life sentence and I am growing more and more tired and fed up with it. Does anyone know how to appeal it?

6 comments:

laurie said...

i'm sorry you feel so blue. your pictures are great. i was single and lived alone for a long time. sometimes i loved it, sometimes i was lonely too. usually for me getting out and doing something physical--a bike ride, or a long walk--was the cure. once you get the blood going, you automatically feel better.

i had a friend who lived about six blocks away from me, and she and i would go for walks that took entire afternoons. miles and miles and miles, with maybe a pint or two at the end.

i miss having that kind of time to just fritter away on walking and talking....

i hope your friend is doing better. you, too. your photos are beautiful. you have such an eye.

shep said...

I'm not really sure what you mean by your last question? do you mean how to "solve" it?
Seems to me you're in standard pre-exam mood. do everything but study :) You can only decide when you're ready to study yourself.
As for the life sentence, It's probably harder this weekend. You said earlier that most of your friends had gone home for the weekend. So it leaves you with limited options. Chances are, once you're back from the riding with with your friend you'll feel better about it, or maybe it will take until next week when you meet more people again.
When I was working in Dublin, and the odd weekend I stayed there, I found that there was nothing to do and everyone was busy doing something else. It was not a nice feeling because I had no feeling of my 'place' (like a sense of identity of where you belong in your environment). It was all too transient for me. I can only guess that you might find this difficult too being so far from home. We had a tea-towel in kitchen years ago that read "Home is where the heart is".
http://humanities.byu.edu/ELC/student/idioms/proverbs/home.html

nightspy said...

Thank you Laurie. I am very happy at the fact you liked my pictures. I took those in June 2006 and was just going through them last night.
Thank you for the words of support too. I do feel better now - after talking with my friend and horse riding. We went to the hospital again (to have her cast loosened) and met the same doctor as before. He was very nice and kept joking so we almost rolled on the floor with laughter.
***
I know there are plus and minuses of living alone - I am independent and I can do whatever I want. I meet my friends and then go back t my little studio. I grow stronger and I become more aware of what I am worth. That's good. I have quite a few hobbies too and I enjoy myself more often than not.
I used to be in a relation that was unbearable and ended in a bad way. I do not want any other relationship like my last one. I do not want to be alone at home though and I dream about quiet evenings with a person who I would care about and who would care about me.
***
Shep, I know where you are coming from. I understand the feeling of things being transient. I felt the same when I left my parents' place to go to a university. Still, I left their place when I was 18 and I never came back. I do not miss Poland that much and I can tell you that my heart is homeless at the moment - still looking for a place to stay.
I live in Ireland now and I am going to stay here still for a few years. I have no one in Poland to come back too - there are just my parents, my sisters, and my dear nephew to visit. This does not make things easier.
True, most of my friends are gone this weekend but this weekend does not make much difference honestly. Usually I am alone every weekend. After all I always end up in this single apartment. Sorry for complaining so much now - I know, I should be more positive.
This weekend is worse still in one respect - I cannot go to work at all because of my exams so I will not see my work colleagues until Friday.I think I will not listen to my boss and I will go.
***
What did I mean by my last question? It was a rhetorical one. I was just feeling very blue this morning. Sometimes I cannot help feeling lonely and this kind of loneliness I feel now is quite overpowering.
***
Thanks Shep :-) As you can see I am not studying now. I want to go out for a pint tonight and maybe my soul will heal a bit.

shep said...

I meant to add that I liked the first photo (of the cygnet) the most, because when you see click on the photo and see the full size, then you see the feet and get an idea of how it moves, and from that you can see why the ripples are in the water.

On your comment "Sorry for complaining so much now - I know, I should be more positive". Don't be sorry, be and act as you are, not how you would wish yourself to be. I always worry when someone is happy all the time. It usually means they are hiding something that will eventually hurt them deeply. Once again I think it comes down to being honest with yourself and others. It always seems to come down to that doesn't it!
***
On being rhetorical, I knew better than to attempt to answer it. If I really knew the answers I think I would be a genius. As for "overpowering", when it comes to myself I just don't know whether to laugh or cry.
***
Anyway, for now forget about us and concentrate on your exams. We'll still be here after.

nightspy said...

Thank you Shep for this comment and for being there. You give me lots of support and I think I owe you a really huge "THANK YOU".
***
I like this first photo for the drops of water falling from the cygnet's beak. When you get it to the full size, you will also see very small drops on its feathers. I actually never thought about the ripples and where they come from.
***
You are right saying that the constant state of happiness is suspicious at least. I could not lie about my feelings to myself or others. One just must he straight with oneself.
***
To cry or laugh? Sometimes it is the latter, sometimes the former. To give one ultimate answer is impossible though. The answers you give me Shep are simple, wise and that's maybe where real genius lies.
***
Till later so.

shep said...

You're very welcome. I would never come looking for thanks. I feel that if you do do something good, then it will probably come back to you in it's own good time, and if it doesn't then so what ... but definitely not genius (especially not today http://farmercash.com/myblog/?p=51 ).