Saturday, January 6, 2007

Hi again
how are you folks? I am not too bad myself - just trying to make out some sense of what happened over the last couple of days.

I was thinking about last Thursday night and how good I felt then. I slept a healthy sleep and had most wonderful dreams. I went to bed in such a good mood and was so elated that it was not surprising. When you actually realize that the bad thing you did was not that bad after all and you are just told to forget about it - it feels really good. It was a huge relief.

On the whole Thursday was a bad day. When I was so down and desolete really I got a message that my someone I know escaped from a hospital and was missing for a few hours. I was scared witless that he would try to do something to himself. But he phoned his friend who took him home. So it was good news anyway although I was never contacted by either his family or himself. Only his friend phoned me to ask if maybe X was with me. X never contacts me these days and his family most probably thinks I am to blame for every misfortune that happened to him. I do not accept it. I firmly disagree. I cannot be held responsible for the life he had led before he met me. I may have done a few things wrong when with him but I refuse to be blamed if someone wants to part with his life.
I want to be happy in my own life. If he at least let me know that he was OK. No, it was done by the same friend who phoned me.
Yes I may sympathise with him over some things that were indeed beyond his control and that are difficult to bear. I can sympathise and care and I may want to try to help as well. I am not insensitive and I understand you may have bad luck in life as well. Yet I do not like silence like this on his part or unspoken accusations on part of his family.

Yet finding out he was safe at home was a huge relief. Straight after I found out I went to sleep. I was too emotionally exhausted. So I slept very well and I was happy. I have tried to find an image that would reflect how I felt that Thursday night. It is hard to find a good one just as it may be hard for me to convey my emotions. But I felt good and simple.
So here go some photos - just for the good mood (courtesy of google images).

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